Leave the expectations at home

Photo by Chanel Smith

Picture yourself in the typical club setting. It’s hot, people are too close for comfort, the music is loud, colorful lights are blinding you, but you’re still having a good time. You decided to leave your house, enjoy time with friends, get a few drinks and maybe meet some new people.

You promised yourself that you wouldn’t be the first one to leave this time and that you were going to have the night of your life, even if it killed you. Then, someone aggressively approaches you.

The realization of the current climate of club culture sets in. There are two important things to always remember.

One: You can say no to anyone about anything.

Two: You don’t have to explain yourself. The word “no” is sufficient enough of an explanation.

“Hey, do you want to dance?” he asks. It’s a costume party, so his face is sweating with face paint that has all melted together into a disgusting brown color. He, quite frankly, looks a little crazy.

“No, I’m OK,” you respond. He then replies with "F--- you, b----," all because you said you said you didn't want to dance with him.

Today’s club scene is anything but subtle. The expectation is if you came out looking cute, then you must want everyone’s attention. While compliments are nice, the outfit that you wear is not an invitation for others to touch you.

You could even be wearing sweatpants, standing near the dance floor and faintly nodding your head to the music. Should you accidentally catch a stranger’s gaze, that, for some reason, correlates to them that you want them.

I’m not saying don’t go up to someone and ask if they want to dance or if they want a drink. Go for it. Be bold and ask for their phone number if you want.

I’m saying don’t do it with expectations in mind because of where you are, whether that be a club or a house party.

Don’t snatch women by their waists because you feel entitled to their body due to your environment.

Surprise, it is still theirs, and they still get to decide what to do with it.

This also pertains to men. From my personal experience, some men don’t want additional attention either. I can’t speak on behalf of all men, but I’ve seen some turn down people when they ask to dance or for their phone number, because they have a significant other back at home or they’re not interested. If he doesn’t want you, move on and get over it.

A women should be inclusive and take men’s feelings into consideration too.

Say someone wants to dance with you and then you actually say yes. After dancing together, no matter how you dance together, you could be two-stepping or whining, that’s your prerogative, but it doesn’t have to go beyond that dance.

“Hey girl, I know you don’t have a man dancing like that.”

Here is where you let out a frustrated sigh because you can pinpoint your exact mistake that is a pivotal turning point in this night. You could go on ignoring him, or if it gets too intense, pursue other escape routes.

Back to the aggressive drippy face paint boy that came up to you earlier. Before you can process what he said to you, your friend curses him out and tells him to leave you alone.

Thank god for friends like that, but friends like that aren’t always there. What do you do when they’re not there? What do you do if you’re by yourself?

Check with a nearby bartender or security guard if things are becoming a little scary. There is usually a protocol set in place to handle situations if you feel unsafe.

Only you know what your comfort level is and only you are entitled to your body, your time and peace of mind.

This article was originally published in The Lumberjack Newspaper and on Jackcentral.org